I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
