...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
