I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
