I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
