Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
