meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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