you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
