Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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