Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
