You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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