well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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