wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
