Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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