Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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