she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize