He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just gift wrapped bread.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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