Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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