i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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