Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
