Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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