Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
