I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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