Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
