He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
