you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
