Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
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We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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