NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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