remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i drank out of a bidet.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
