best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
