Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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