New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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