whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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