hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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