If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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