The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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