throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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