there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Found the puke drawer
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
