At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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