I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
