Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
