so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
