tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You ruined the universe
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
