do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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