This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
