I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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