My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
