That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
