Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
