Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
