I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The Olympian is in my bed
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