i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
