She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
