I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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