but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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