her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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