By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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