One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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