Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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