I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
